Explosively loud and expectedly crazy, 2008’s Death Race bears the distinct marks of director Paul W.S. Anderson’s trademark fast action and brutal violence, but a heavy focus on visuals can’t overcome an extremely predictable storyline – one that unfortunately loses most of the magic of Corman’s original. While an interesting commentary on America’s infatuation with violence lies buried beneath all the metal and mayhem, what’s clearly exposed is a less interactive, R-rated Mario Kart for adults.

The year 2012 finds the United States’ economy collapsed, unemployment off the charts, and prisons filled to capacity. Greedy corporations control the system and stage live competitions to the death for entertainment. In the ever-present bid for more riotously violent spectacles, notorious female warden Hennessey (Joan Allen) creates Death Race, a three-part car-race for freedom where the only rule is to stay alive. When Frankenstein, the most infamous Death Race combatant, dies shortly after a race, Hennessey frames driver Jensen Ames (Jason Statham) for murder and blackmails him into participating in the latest deathmatch under the guise of the deceased racer. Realizing he’s trapped, Ames agrees to race, but with the help of his dedicated crew of mechanics and his navigator Case (Natalie Martinez), he might just be able to find a way out – and exact a little revenge on those who wronged him.

Jason Statham seems to be the go-to guy for silly action movies, and while he’s certainly not as charismatic as some of his action-movie predecessors, he does get the job done. In Death Race he’s appropriately stone-faced and serious, and with a touch of camaraderie and even a little humor, he creates an antihero that’s easy to root for. Which is good because there’s little else to cheer for other than the violent and over-the-top death sequences. Ames’ competition is littered with stereotypes of very angry men fueled by hatred and a general distaste for life. Tyrese Gibson portrays a noticeably unintimidating antagonist, one whose menace is relegated to mediocre taunts and whose sexuality seems to be constantly under question. All the rest are merely obstacles, as lifeless as the bullets and juggernaut tanks that hinder our hero’s progress. Except for Joan Allen’s Hennessey, who is so annoyingly cocky and overwrought with forced aggression that to see her get what’s coming to her is barely compensation for her copious screentime.

The very idea of a B-movie has been dragged out of Death Race and fattened up – to the point that it is anything but second grade material. Convincing special effects, high definition detonations, and top quality set designs are but a few of the aspects that are too good to be bad. Unlike the original film, which rose from its low-budget status to become a cult classic (chiefly due to its unusually fun themes of anarchy and nihilism), this new Death Race tries too hard to go for specific audience reactions. While director Paul W.S. Anderson force-feeds us the moments that he wants to be perceived as ultra hip, the more entertaining subtleties are likely to be ignored. As we’re tantalized by the shapely Natalie Martinez swaying in slow motion, an interesting stolen idea from The Shawshank Redemption might be overlooked. Then again, maybe we’re better off.

Like some twisted hybrid reality TV show abomination of BattleBots, The Fast and the Furious and The Shawshank Redemption, the new Death Race is unspeakably cheesy. But crowned with Roger Corman’s own producer credit, it is perhaps appropriately nonsensical. Begging to be the ultimate “guy movie” with slow-motion scantily-clad girls, violent bloody action, explosions, heavy artillery and fast armored cars, it is also itching to be ridiculed. From hilariously peaked dialogue to the safety warning at the end credits (asking the easily impressionable to refrain from stunt car driving), Death Race can’t and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

- The Massie Twins